I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize