I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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