help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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