Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
she smelled like a LAN party
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize