I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
