If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
