I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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