i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
