I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
