Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize