He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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