Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
they call him Oral-B. enough said
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
