My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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