so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I will be naked everywhere
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
