Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
