Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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