Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
