Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
