you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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