Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
