drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
