Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
