My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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