So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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