FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
