dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
