I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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