question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
