Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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