omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
