i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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