Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
