I hate your face
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
