you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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