You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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