you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
