Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The uberlube is also flammable
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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