Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
