Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Ambien. No doubt about it.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize