3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
