I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
