Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
