did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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