but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize