If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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