Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize