remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
