I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
