Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize