If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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