I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
