suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
