i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
