Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize