I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
