I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Are my feet made of real feet?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
