Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
