if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
