please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
