and she was petting her beer can
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
