Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
