dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Watching her eat just hurts me
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
