I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
