My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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