did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
