She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
