She's JV to your varsity
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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