Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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