I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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