this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
40s are totally the cure
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
