well I can't set my house on fire every night
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
