If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
vagina is talking i cant
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
