the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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