Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
