His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
