Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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