talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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