you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
