the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
