Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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