brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm just crazy horny about you
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
