I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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