I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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