At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize