I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
