You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize