You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
