During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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