I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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