I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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