Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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